When does emotional affairs get dangerous?

# steveneleven – May 25th, 2006 at 4:34 pm Nice blog, I like. It helps to understand women better. Yes the facts are well, facts. Does having online affair constitute an affair? Yes, an emotional affair which can be just as powerful or even more powerful than a physical one. So since women are more the emotional species, and more in touch, for them to get into this is very dangerous, and can indeed breakup families. Lust is different in that its just that.. to satisfy a need, no depth. Its just a matter of time and situation which will soon drive the marriage spiralling down and the person or persons(the one having the online affair as well as their spouse) dun even understand why, thus this is crucial to understand, maybe even without the physical part ever happening. SUPPORT groups for uderstandings like this in KL(dun even mention rural areas!) is seriously lacking, amogst other things.

One of Women Only! reader commented and asked this very pertinent question.

Does having online affair constitute an affair?

Well, I don’t know. I think it is like a case of playing with fire and one can be sure to get burn, sooner or later.

Do read this:

The crush derives all its power and sweetness from the fact that it’s as beyond fantasy as it’s beyond expression. The flirting is a way of responding to someone you really like, which is why you can “flirt” with members of your own sex. Flirtation is about having fun, and in most cases doesn’t progress to intensity and innuendo — which two factors are essential to the emotional affair. These relationships are driven by a restless “what if?” which sees the beloved friend as the perfect partner in another life. Overt sexual attraction is always present — all the more intense by being suggested in words or looks, not deeds. After all, a one-night stand can be deeply disappointing, whereas Mind Sex can go on for weeks, months, even years.

According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, 15 per cent of wives and 25 per cent of husbands have had extramarital sex. But if you add non-physical intimacy — in other words emotional affairs — the numbers rise by over 20 per cent. Two significant shifts in modern life may account for the sudden surge of interest in the phenomenon of the emotional affair. For one thing, the concentration on careers (as well as credit cards) encourages people to work longer hours, and so the workplace becomes more of a focus than ever. Colleagues share platonic friendships, which have the opportunity to edge into something more intense simply because of time. If both halves of a couple work hard, and their time at home is all about parenting and domesticity, they may find they’re sharing more interesting and intimate experiences with special friends at work. Once that edges into one-to-one socialising and confidences the stage is set. If you wonder whether your friendship is actually an emotional affair, the key question to ask is — am I willing to tell my partner all about it? Would he/she approve? If the answer is “No”, the chances are you’re on dangerous ground. You could also ask yourself how you’d feel if your partner was sharing the same intense confidences with somebody else. Would you count it as infidelity — sex or no sex? Which is worse, a heavy snogging session at the office party, or heavy emoting day after day?

The full article can be found on :

Times2
An affair? Not exactly, but . . .
Bel Mooney