Women Only!
A friend recently confided to me about her cheating spouse. We used to work together but have lost touch after a while. Then, she found my blog and I guess she feel ‘safe’ to confide in me because of my constant crapping.
She is a Christian and that sort of held her further down because she is expected to forgive and yet, the humanly part of her cannot. So, I asked a few people and got some straight and frank answers.
In my personal opinion, it is impossible. I will throw the jerk out. But then, it is actually the decision of the cheated spouse.
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leave him, if he truly loved you he would never have cheated.
That’s a decision only you can make. Can you forgive him and move on? Will you be able to trust him again?
Personally, I wouldn’t, but I’m not you. Do what’s right for you.
no only an idiot would do that
If you love the man and he’s not done it before and you believe he won’t do it again, give him another chance. We all make mistakes. Once is a mistake; twice is a pattern. Good luck.
no, he’s sorry he got caught. those are just words. he needs to SHOW how sorry he is.
Leave him! As the saying goes “Once a cheater, always a cheater”. Dont feel guilty for his mistake. Also, you need to think about this, would you rather live with the lack of trust & pain associated with that or, the pain of moving on? I think it would be less painful to move on.
No! If he does it once, he’ll do it again… You deserve much better! Your marriage is a pact of fidelity and loyalty- and if he can’t live up to that then that should decide it for you. If he really loved you he wouldn’t have done such a horrible thing! “I’m sorry” – surely NOT enough!
Depends on the “cheating”. If it was a one time thing, then he may truly be sorry and you should try to forgive him. If it was an ongoing affair, you need to move on….
Get rid of him! He’ll do it again to you if you don’t! Have a good day.
i think you should try and forgive him at least once if he cheats you again then you can divorce him but if you have kids then do forgive him for your wonderfully kid try your luck this time all the best to you
It’s a personal choice.
I told a friend once, listen to your heart…don’t base your decision on all our bad mouthing. You’re the one that has to live with your decision to forgive or not; to leave or not. We go home everyday to our own lives we don’t have to live with your choices.
If you can forgive and live happily with him great! And if you can’t and you decide to leave then great too. I’ll support your decision to make the choice that is good for you.
I don’t think so….how long have you been married? Who did he cheat on you with? Does he see this woman on a daily basis (such as at work, next door neighbor?) I just feel as though once a cheater always a cheater. He made a vow in front of god and family and he broke that vow. What would he do if you cheated on him? Would he be that forgiving? I think that you deserve better but maybe if it was a one time deal, and he will never see the woman again, then maybe you guys could go to couples counseling. Good luck
Don’t listen to his piss-the-pants whining. If he loved you, he wouldn’t have cheated, period. Tell him to go to hell.
No those aren’t valid reason not to leave a cheating husband…. what is valid is what you really feel.
Can/Will you ever forgive him, have you forgiven him… Someone it doesn’t matter what led to the cheat or all that mumbo jumbo… I meant it is obvious that there was something either wrong with your marriage, or him… and that is what needs work. Are you willing to work on the marriage with him to find out what lead to the cheat? Do you want to take that emotional roller coaster ride? I think leaving is the easy way out. Bottom line he cheated, okay so now do you love your husband enough to forgive, and allow him to spend the rest of his/your lives making it up to you? Or is he really not worth the headache. Obviously, you want to forgive him and work on it, or you wouldn’t be asking this question. So I say, forgive him, and go to counseling, to better your marriage. People do make mistakes, and if this is the first huge mistake he has ever made, then he deserves a 2nd chance. If the shoe was on the other foot, what would he do,…..ask him that!
once a cheater…always a cheater…
also…
you hurt me once…shame on you…
you hurt me twice…shame on me…live by it…and dont forgive him…you will never be able to trust him again…he should have thought about the consequences before he went out and cheated on you…and in 20 years…how many other times has he cheated? if this is the first time you know of…chances are…he has been doing it all along…or has the thought in his head…dont forgive him…you will be sorry when he does it to you again…trust me…these are NOT valid reasons to stay with him because he says he is sorry…
if he were sorry he would have never done what he did…
and yea…he is sorry all right…one sorry a$$ man!!
A wife will or won’t forgive her cheating husband not just because of what he said, but also because of what she can live with in herself.
Many spouses have been able to forgive and go on to have stronger marriages. But this entailed forgiveness, re-commitment to the marriage vows, sincere remorse, marital counseling, etc.
If however you sense that he’s only playing you and he feels bad because he got caught and will still continue cheating after you forgive him, then no, don’t forgive him.
everyone makes mistakes and if this is his first one and you really love him, give it a second chance. i know many say”once a cheater always a cheater” but, sometimes that isn’t the case. if you decide to try again, he’s going to have to really prove to you that he loves you and can be faithful. good luck.
As a previous cheater and the daughter of a previous cheater… yes. forgive him if he is geniune in his apology. it can “just happen” and if you work through it, then your marriage will be so much better than before. You will be able to communicate on a new level and have a much stronger love- knowing it overcame something that normally ends relationships. However you have to forgive and forget.
But that is only if he is true. if not, then its not worth it- walk away and dont be used. But try first.
I believe that a couple should be for each other only..If you are meant for each other and there is true love between the both of you then cheating would never happen..You would not have to go to someone else for sex..He done it once you better count on him to do it again..He only learned how he got caught the first time and he will cover up better next time..You are a better person than that..Find someone who who be true to you and not use the lame excuses..I was not thinking and I can’t live without you..If it hurt you then do what is best for you and do not let it happen again..
If youre not looking for a reason to get out, I say forgive him if you really love him. I left a man that cheated on me and I regret it… and their is nothing I can do about it now, I think about him all the time and it sux. I say if youve got it in you to forgive him then you should.
You have a lot of great answers to your question.
Forgiveness comes from the heart, making it very difficult when our thoughts get in the way.
Sometimes our hearts will guide us to the love we had with our husband and want all that back again so we will be willing to forgive the betrayals, then our heads kick in gear and remind us about the things that happened, the hurt and pain we have experienced, the lack of trust, this is when the forgiveness becomes extremely difficult because it has begun a battle within yourself.
I don’t have an answer for your decision; I do know it is a tough one. Probably the toughest you will come across in your married life. And the decision is yours alone… which makes it scary. Your life depends on your decision.
We will never know what our spouses are doing 100% of the day and there are always ways to hide the inappropriate activities. How do we deal with that? We need to have trust.
Trusting our spouses is mandatory in a good marriage.. so that would be another big obstacle to overcome. How to regain the trust? Everyone has a different way of getting that trust back, so again it is a personal decision. The internet makes things easier than ever. Do you want to know what he is doing every minute of the day, will you be able to let go of not knowing if he is still communicating with the other women, will you be able to be secure in the relationship without trust?
I don’t have any answers for you.. but I understand your situation… all too well.
Hugs and warm wishes to you,
I hope you are able to find happiness again..
You are the only one that can make that decision. We all can give opinions. You will agree with some and not agree with others. I’m sure this is further complicating things. You have to go with your intuition. Do you think he will cheat again. A lot of people say, once a cheater, always a cheater. We’ll, I’m going against that.
However, you better keep down to the root cause of why he strayed and fix it, or else, it will happen again (guaranteed). Its usually lack of intimacy/sex (sorry to say). Or, he’s bored with it and wanted variety. Its human. This is what happens.
Good luck to ya. If you want to chat some more, I’ll be glad to talk with you.
Take care,
–Jay
I’m sorry about that, it must be hurtful. You are the only one that knows forsure whether or not he is a typical cheat! But hey, accidents are when you get hid by a truck. Undoing your zips and taking off your clothes, you cant do that without a brain. You be the judge.
It really just sounds like a bunch of crap to me but I don’t personally know your husband. I don’t think those are reasons not to leave him. You have every right to if you want to. What a creep. Some mistake!! All of what you are saying he said sounds like stuff a man who would definitely cheat again would say. Like text book stuff. Sorry if that hurts you I am sure what he did hurt you like hell. You are better than that.
Of course it is what you heart tells you to do what you should do. Can you live with him forever without thinking of him with that other woman or if he is having another mistake? I know we say for better or worse but that is the worse I would never put up with. There are so many fish in the sea right? I mean he went fishing while even being married, the big JERK!!
Good Luck to you in whatever you decide that is so tough!
Everybody makes mistakes so if he cheats once forgive him and move on but if he cheats a second time thats when you know he’s not for you.
No, those are not valid reasons to leave a cheating husband. In fact he gave you a reason to leave him…he cheated for crying out loud! If you can live with all the thoughts of his infedility then go ahead and be with him. But if not, then leave him…
It just really all depends on you and if you think you can forgive him and trust that he will not doing it again.
When I was younger my boyfriend at the time (husband now) forgave me 8 times for cheating. Now that we are married I have not cheated on him and I don’t plan on cheating on him again.
No they are not….You may forgive your husband but, will you ever forget and can you live with that???
Once a person has cheated in a marital relationship it will be hard to trust again. The other individual will always look to see is he cheating on me again, what’s he doing, how come he’s coming home so late, what “business trip” again, you said you won’t do “it” again, what you love me sooooo much you won’t allow our marriage to dissolve!.
I believe the wife has to make that decision on her own. You know your husband better than us. You lived with him long enough to make a reasonable, rational compromising decision. Once is enough but again he’s out the door.
Only you can make that decision.
if he loved you cheating would never of crossed his mind and also when he married you he vowed to be faithful till death till yall part and he broke that divorce him and move on with your life you dont deserve this you will find someone that will treat you better and wont put you through this kind of hurt..
Kick him to the curb. He’s not worth it.
All men are the same
you will not find a perfect man
anywhere
finally you will end up thinking
he was better
I can tell you
if u feel u can live without him
just live ur life
It depends. My husband was not faithful to me, but we were not doing well as a couple and I wasn’t doing my part of the relationship either. We are working on things and I feel satisfied with his behavior. However, there are lots of other factors to consider in staying or leaving. For us it was a wake up call that our marriage was on it’s way out and we both needed to do some growing up. Only you will know if he is worth keeping or not.
Hi, well i know just what you mean i am in the same situation at the moment my husband had an affair that lasted for 5 months. i found out nearly 6 months ago and am still hearing how sorry he is and that he loves me, the thing that is hard to believe is if they loved you then why do it in the first place? I really think that my husband is trying his hardest to make things right again but i am so hurt and feel so betrayed by what he has done to me. We have decided to go to a marriage councillor and i think that if that isn’t any help to us we will probably separate but at least i will feel that i gave it a chance. When the time is right you will know what you want but if you think he is truly sorry and is making an effort to prove that to you maybe together you could try and save your marriage. There is no other feeling of pain that compares to how you feel right now believe me i know. Don’t rush into any hasty decision that you might regret later, give it time then you will know that you gave it 100% even if things don’t workout. I wish you all the best in the choice you make.
It takes alot of work for both to keep a marraige intact after one has cheated. The issue of trust is especially hard to regain. If you and your spouse are willing to work hard you should try and Good Luck. But I have to add that my ex said all that and I was the only one trying to save our marraige. He cheated again and I divorced him.
Everyone makes mistakes.
If you want to remain married to him you must try your best to forgive him because if you don’t you’ll just hurt yourself and your husband. My husband cheated on me—it sucks. But time heals all wounds, if you are willing.
Try marriage counselling.
Please trust him, but still keep your eyes open.
Also, tell your husband that he must be patient with you while you get over this. After all, trust takes a century to gain and seconds to destroy.
Just about everyone deserves a second chance. If they do it again or did it again, then it’s not a reason to stay. Good luck, Sweetie!
No way! You should leave him for good. If he really loved you, he never would have done that. I know it’s heartbreaking, but leave him! You are absolutely crazy if you don’t! If he didn’t mean to do it, then he would never have even thought about doing it in the first place! I would never go back to someone like that ever again!
If you have it in your heart that you can live with fact that he had cheated on you then, YES, but if it’s too much on you then, NO. It’s trusting him again will be hardest thing to rebuild again if you decide to take him back. Good luck on your desicions…
Yes I think she should forgive him, but I also think that as a couple they should seek marrage counseling.
You can’t just say I’m sorry and have the whole thing disapear like it never happend.
NO! nothing can take that feeling of worthlessness away
I’d leave him. Saying he wasn’t thinking when he didn’t is the lowest excuse. He should always be thinking about his wife.
Talk to him. Why did he have the affair?
Perhaps you can try and understand his position. Perhaps he needed attention (although I’m not saying you’re to blame).
Does he still love you and does he want to make your marriage work?
Don’t make any hasty decisions! Find it in yourself to give him another chance. You’ll never forget this betrayal, but try and forgive.
Good marriages are hard to come by. Nobody’s perfect snd everyone is entitled to one mistake.
I was just wondering what women think. I had a thing with a women at work, now I know most of you won’t believe it, but nothing ever happened between us. It was all conversations and flirting(Dirty talk). I admit it was wrong and my marriage certainly has suffered because of it. I understand the hurt and the violation of trust, but is there a way to ever be forgiven for this. I wasn’t the only one violating trust either. I have had trouble with my wife on many different occasions concerning finalcial issuses. She lied straight to my face at least dozen times. It wasn’t just about small bills either. She has caused many difficult times for our family because of her lies. Now I’m not trying to justify my actions. God knows and I know I have no excuse, but all I’m asking is for her to be as understanding as I was all those times. I don’t know, what do you think?
I am sitting here on Valentines Day, still trying to get over an affair that happened almost four years ago. My husband and I have been trying to get to the bottom of things since that time without a counselor, but I still think about what he did, how long he had the affair, and I decided that Ineed to leave hime because I can’t stop thinking that he could have cut the affair short befor it became physical. he has said that he is sorry, but he did and said too many intimate things with the woman–things that he only did when we we dating. It’s the memory of this pain that makes it difficult to forgive him. Do I still keep trying? This is his only affair, so I know what he said and did with the woman was not done or said just to get her into bed.
You know you are right, lying is bad no matter what. But I do not think these two are really comparible in the same sense. I have a hard time comparing heart break with money matters. What she has done is wrong. But I would not put the two on the same table. Could you forgive her, if she had done the same thing to you? If she was having the same conversations with another man? How would that make you feel? Give her time. The hurt does not go away overnight.
hi all,
I got married in May, 2008. I suspected my husband cheating on me with a girl in August 2008. I confronted him in September and he denied of his affair. I trusted him until October, I saw phone messages and calls being deleted and he came home late every night. A girl called me one day and said she will make sure my husband and I get divorced and she can be with him from then. Again, I questioned my husband about his affair, and finally he admit it. they started cheating on me even before we got married. I am very sad and not sure what to do now.please give me advice. thank you all.